Back In Your Head
by Nodoubtaboutit18
Summary: AU...Spencer is going through something tragic and the one person that comes through for her, is the last person she expected. one shot


**A/n: This idea just sort of came to me and I decided to roll with it. I'm hoping writing this one will bring some sort of inspiration to finish my other story. Which if you're reading that I promise I'll finish it. Writers block really can be a bitch. But I hope you enjoy this story that just sprung to life. Reviews are always appreciated, let me know how you guys are liking this. Much love. **

**Disclaimer: Just as an fyi it does contain a little nc17 action, so if you get offended by that girl on girl action (why are you reading south fics?) lol but seriously, if you don't like it, just a warning it may get a little nc17. **

**Now enjoy.  
**

Spencer felt the weight on top of her grow familiar and she knew it was time to roll it off her. She didn't have to be sly about the movement, they knew what the deal was when they walked through the bedroom door. Spencer rolled the person off from on top of her before her weight grew completely familiar. Spencer let out a sigh and rolled to her side. Her bedroom door was left open and she could see her answering machine's red light, illuminating the entire apartment. She rolled her eyes at the thought of who it could be, and suddenly she knew it was time for a shower.

She rolled out of bed and made no effort to be accommodating, "I'm taking a shower. I want you gone by the time I'm done."

Spencer hadn't always been cold and detached, but when someone breaks your heart...it changes you. She shuffled to the shower and slowly turned it on. She ran her hand under the running water until it reached the perfect temperature. Spencer let the scolding hot water work it's magic on her neck and let the water run down her body. She enjoyed the feeling of the scolding hot water on her skin, it was one of the things she could actually feel these days. Emotion, she felt none. Touches, she felt none. But the hot water trickling down her body, gave her a sense of ease.

As she finished up her shower she wrapped a towel around her body and grabbed another white one to dry her hair. As she was drying up her hair she walked back into her room only to find the person still on her bed. "Hey, get your ass up you can't stay here. I prefer to sleep alone." She tried to remember this girls name that she just had meaningless sex with, but she had only met her a couple hours ago. It was something that needed to be done, she had to let off some steam. But now she was slowly regretting it because every time she'd have casual sex the girl never left easily. They were all about cuddling up next to her and she couldn't and wouldn't have that.

"Come on, baby. Can't I stay the night? Or sleep for a few hours? I just got off and I don't feel like moving." The girl smiled and tugged the pillow closer to her body as she tried to get more comfortable.

Spencer shook her head in frustration, "No, hell no. Get the hell out. It was fun and all, but I want to sleep and you need to leave." Spencer found the girls jeans on the floor and tossed them at her. She was slowly loosing her patience for the girl.

The girl grunted in anger and slowly started finding the rest of her clothes that were tossed around the room. She put them on as Spencer watched her. She tapped her toes on the hardwood floor trying to speed up the process.

The mystery girl was finally done getting dressed, "Well I had fun, call me. I'd love to do it again." The girl smiled and walked over to Spencer and gave her a final kiss on the lips. The girl had to of known she wasn't going to get a call back, Spencer never asked for her number. She was never going to. Spencer did not care enough and she didn't want any attachments. Spencer walked the girl out, dead bolted the door behind her, and walked over to her flashing answering machine.

Spencer thought about just deleting the message, she had a good idea who it was. She walked over to her kitchen and poured herself a glass of wine first. She didn't want to loose her buzz that she already had from going out to the bar earlier. The last thing she wanted was to sober up, so she decided to have a glass of wine, listen to the message, and then go to bed. She walked over the answering machine, let out a long sigh, and finally gave into pushing the button.

"Hey, it's...it's me, Ashley." Spencer quickly pushed pause, then shook her head and decided to listen to the message, "Yeah it's me. I didn't see you tonight at my gig, or last week, or any week I invite you out here. Well, you know I play every Friday and you're on the list. So, same time next week I'll be playing." Ashley sighed before continuing, "It'd be nice to see you, I miss you, you know." And then she hung up.

Spencer pushed delete real hard. She knew it was going to be her. She left a message on her answering machine every Friday night, right after her set. Spencer hadn't shown up to one, since Ashley had been inviting her. Why should she go? Ashley knew what she had done to her, broken her heart, so Spencer felt no need to see her. Not just once she broke her heart, but twice. Once was when she ran off after Clay had died and left her grieving alone when she needed her girlfriend most. The second time her heart was broken she tried not to even bare that thought, it was too hard the images of her being cheated on. She just knew if she saw her she'd lash out, yell at her, break down, or maybe even smack her around. She deserved it.

She decided to chug the rest of her wine and plop onto her bed, her large California king bed. Spencer rolled around and her sheets smelled of sex, she resented it. No matter how many girls she fucked to try and get the one girl off her mind, it didn't work. So much love, so much desire, will always be between her and Ashley and she couldn't deny it. Spencer had another constant fling after another. But faking happiness and hiding her feelings away was better then letting someone in again. She couldn't deal with another heartbreak. Spencer knew she shouldn't have listened to the message, she always stayed up thinking all night. She continued to toss and turn but finally got some shut eye.

As soon as Spencer thought she fell asleep she was awoken by her persistent phone ringing. Spencer lost her cell phone weeks ago and didn't bother replacing it. She liked the feeling of being unreachable. But her apartment phone was as loud as ever. She ignored it at first, but it kept ringing over and over again. She picked up the receiver about ready to yell at a drunk Ashley, but to her surprise it wasn't her.

"What? Are they okay? Glen, stop playing a horrible April fools joke on me. Fuck what? Mom and dad both? I'll be at the hospital in ten." Spencer ran to put clothes on so she could head to the hospital. If Glen was playing a sick April fools joke on her she would have to seriously hurt him. But she knew better, she heard the tone in his voice. He sounded scared, frightened, and she knew he heard him crying in between his incoherent sentences.

Spencer grabbed her jacket and ran down the stairs to the hospital. She couldn't even drive herself, she was shaking badly. She flagged down the first cab that saw her and she headed to the hospital. She couldn't loose her parents, not after loosing Clay a few years ago. No. It would be too hard on her. She kept thinking to herself on the long way to the hospital. It was only a ten minute drive, but it sure felt like it had been an hour before she arrived there. She threw the money at the man who was probably taking English lessons as a second language at some community college.

As she jumped out of the car Glen was waiting for her at the entrance. "Took you long enough! What took you so long?!" Glen shook Spencer as he was yelling at her.

Spencer swatted his hands away from her, "Stop, calm down. And tell me exactly what happened." Spencer sat them both down the waiting room area. She needed to know, and Glen was barely in his right mind to say anything.

Glen took a deep breath and looked at Spencer in the eyes, "Well, you see I was meeting mom and dad at the hotel because I was in town since our team is playing the Dodgers tomorrow. So I told them to come on over and we will have dinner or something and I was sitting in the bar and all of a sudden I hear people screaming and shouting there's been a car accident outside the hotel. So I ran outside and I see mom's car. Some stupid asshole semi, tried to go through the yellow light, which turned red and then bam he ran over our parents! They are in the fucking ER and the doctors won't tell me a god damn thing!"

Spencer blankly stared at Glen, she did not know how to react. She didn't know if she should be strong right now, because her brother clearly was falling apart before her. Spencer swallowed hard, closed her eyes, and then walked up to the desk. "My mother is in that emergency room, you know her as Dr. Carlin, I need to know what's going on." Spencer spoke as calmly as possible, without showing a speck of emotion.

The nurse looked up at her with fear in her eyes, "Everyone loves your mother around here. The doctors are doing everything they can for your parents. They are going to make it through this." The nurse offered her comfort by leaned across the desk and put her hand on her shoulder and squeezed. Spencer gently smiled and walked away. She knew nothing. Her parents could be close to death, or they could be completely fine...she wasn't going to know for a long time. Spencer walked back to Glen and sat down. When he asked her if they told her anything she just slowly shook her head.

Spencer was anxious to find out their status, she was scared. If she lost someone else she loved so much, she knew it'd push her over the edge. This family could not take another tragic event.

"It's all my fault. All my fucking fault!" Glen mumbled over and over to himself. "I've got to get out of here, this place is making me crazy. Spencer, what if---"

Spencer immediately cut him off, "Don't you dare think like that. They will make it through his. Come on, it's mom and dad. The infamous Paula and Arthur Carlin. They'll get through it." Spencer consoled her brother, she always thought it would be the other way around in a time like this.

"I need a drink or something. I'll be back." Glen headed down towards the hospital cafeteria in a hurry. He needed to calm is nerves down, he would never forgive himself if something went bad.

Spencer fell down in her chair and looked at the hospital ceiling in wonder. She closed her eyes only to have a nurse call her name seconds after. "Miss Carlin?"

Spencer ran up to the desk and anticipated the worst news. "You're parents are going up to surgery, they are both in somewhat stable conditions now. But only time will tell, but trust me they will pull through it. It's going to be hours before they are out, you should go home get some rest."

Spencer shook her head, "No, there's a sofa in my mothers office. I'll just head over there, you find me if anything changes and I mean anything." Spencer didn't mean to be so intimidating, but she couldn't help it. She found Glen and told him where she was going and what the new information was. He just kept saying "okay" in a scarily unemotional robotic response.

As she made herself comfortable on the sofa her mother spent many of nights sleeping on, she felt tears rush to the service. It took long enough, but she was starting to feel something. Her mind was overruled with thoughts and emotions. If she lost her parents, she wouldn't know how to live. Spencer smelled the scent of her mother each time she shifted around on the couch. She let a few tears fall and then she locked it back up. She told herself that crying wouldn't do her any good right now, so she rolled over and fell asleep.

An hour or two later she was being nudged awake, "Hey, hey. Sleeping beauty, wake up. How are you feeling?"

Spencer's eyes fluttered opened, as she recognized the voice she was jolted awake, "Ash? What are you doing here? How did you know? I'm fine." Spencer said the last part coldly.

Ashley kneeled down to get at eye level, "You're brothers a famous baseball player, it's all over the news. But I came as quick as I saw and I'm worried, and the nurse told me where to find you. So how are you really?" Ashley gave a light smile.

Spencer sat up and rolled her eyes, "Damn nurse, she told me to get rest. Didn't know she'd go telling anyone where I was at."

Ashley started to stand up but Spencer grabbed her arm, "Look I'm sorry if I bothered you Spence. I was worried."

Spencer shook her head and motioned for her to sit down, "It's fine, sorry. I just don't know how to handle all this. Ash, I'm scared. I can't loose them. I can't." Spencer finally let out the tears she had been holding back. She cried in the crook of Ashley's shoulder. She was the one person she felt comfortable with. Having Ashley around just brought back all kinds of emotions, emotions Spencer had been confidently tucking away until now.

Ashley ran her fingers through Spencer's hair and tried her best to comfort her. She kissed her forehead lightly and told her, "shh everything is going to be alright. You just watch, Spence. It always is."

Spencer looked up at her. She wanted to believe it was all going to turn out happy. When she looked into her chestnut eyes she was flooded with emotions, past and present. But for some reason, she had to get lost in this moment. Spencer leaned in and captured Ashley's lips in a hungry kiss. At first Ashley didn't respond, but it was natural instinct to respond to the those lips that were kissing hers. Ashley kissed back with just as much force as Spencer gave, so much desire, so much passion that was lost was suddenly found again. Ashley felt Spencer's tongue creeping into her mouth, and she had enough sense to break the kiss at that moment.

Ashley spoke as she tried to regain her breathing, "Spence, what are we doing? We can't, I can't, not like--"

Spencer put her finger on Ashley's lips and shook her head, "Don't speak. I need this." She just found out both her parents might not make it, she needed to get her mind off of it, find some sort of release.

She leaned in and nibbled on Ashley's earlobe and made her way down to her neck. Ashley sighed as soon as she hit her soft spot. Spencer took her time, slowly trying to remove Ashley's free will and it was working. In no time did Ashley grab Spencer's face, so she could find her lips with her own. Ashley knew this was not the reunion she had with Spencer in mind. But she couldn't resist those persistent lips. She couldn't resist the desire she felt when she stepped into the same room as Spencer. She felt her throughout her veins. The passion overwhelmed them both when they looked into each other's eyes, one look was enough. Ashley already felt herself become aroused, it had been so long since she felt Spencer's lips on her own. Too long.

Not before long desire, need, and want too over in Ashley over logical thinking. She knew this was a bad idea, giving into Spencer during a time like this could only end up bad. But Ashley wanted this just as much as Spencer did. Spencer was fast in her actions and she was already on top of Ashley. They broke away for air but that didn't stop Spencer from continuing to move things along. She lifted her own top off and threw it down next to her. Ashley looked at the half naked Spencer before her and she couldn't help but let a smirk show. She hadn't seen how beautiful she was in a long time, she wanted to soak in the moment, she wanted to make this last as long as possible. Ashley let her hands slide up and down the sides of Spencer's soft skin, but before she could enjoy her hands on her skin, Spencer was interrupting her. She was nudging Ashley's top off to move the process along. Ashley willingly obliged and her top was now discarded to the side.

Spencer smiled and brought them into another kiss. This time there was no rush, Spencer cupped Ashley's face and gently kissed her. It was less needy, but still filled with passion. Spencer quickly licked the bottom of Ashley's lip to gain entrance into her mouth, once she was allowed access she let her tongue inside and they passionately dueled. They only one more layer of clothing to get rid of and Spencer wasted no time. She slowly slid her hand down the entire front of Ashley's body and played with her belt buckle until she finally got it undone. Spencer giggled as the loose belt tickled her bare stomach.

Spencer released from their kiss and looked into Ashley's eyes. Ashley gave her a "are you sure you want to" look, and Spencer just lightly smiled and began kissing her yet again. She continued her vicious assault on Ashley's lips, something she could never get enough of. Her lips were expertly working on hers and they were hard to move away from. Spencer knew she had to move away from them, she didn't have time for soft and sweet. She needed to feel it all and yet forget about where this was all happening. Spencer unbuttoned Ashley's pants and slowly inched them down her waist. There was no stopping either one of them, so badly Ashley wanted to take control. Flip their positions and do everything that she has missed doing to Spencer right then. But now wasn't the time, Spencer needed the control. Ashley couldn't resist the urge in trying to flip positions and take Spencer right then. As soon as Spencer felt how dripping wet with arousal Ashley was, she let out the slightest moan. Ashley couldn't hold back. Yes, Spencer needed the control, but not as much as she needed a distraction from her current situation. And with one fell swoop, Ashley switched positions and ripped Spencer's jeans off as fast as she possible could.

Ashley needed full body contact so she laid onto of Spencer and let her weight become familiar to her. They both sighed at the contact. They had both longed for this, and as soon as their wet centers met they couldn't help but sigh at the needed touch. Ashley grabbed Spencer's lips as their body's stayed pressed against one another s. They both moaned into each other's mouths as they slid together. Ashley took one hand and started to cup the side of Spencer's face, it was a gentle gesture but it was just to distract her from the other hand that was moving downwards to tease Spencer's wet and waiting entrance. Spencer gasped into Ashley's mouth once she felt her fingers push through and she couldn't help but smile at the contact.

Spencer let Ashley have her fun, until she needed to feel in control again. Spencer slyly switched positions with Ashley and she was once again on top. Spencer didn't get to enjoy her accomplishment and didn't get to boast like she normally would when they were in bed together. There was no time for that. Spencer didn't want to be brought back to reality, so instead she took a needed nipple into her mouth and gently sucked at it. She didn't let Ashley's other breast feel left out as she toyed with it with her free hand. Spencer slowly made her way down to Ashley's navel and she kissed around it. She traced the outline of Ashley's taut muscles with her finger as she dipped her tongue inside her navel. Ashley giggled with the contact, it was her ticklish spot.

Spencer made one last visit back up to Ashley's lips before making her way back down again. This time she didn't tease on the way down. She kissed all the way down her body until she stopped and looked at Ashley's glistening wet hot center. Spencer smirked at how wet she was, and then without warning she took in Ashley's throbbing clit into her mouth. Ashley arched her back at the sudden contact and immediately took her hand and roped it onto Spencer's beautiful blonde hair. Spencer and Ashley both moaned at the contact. Each sigh was followed by a moan and vise versa, neither of them was sure who was moaning and sighing anymore as it filled the entire room. Spencer stopped teasing Ashley and let go of her clit with her lips. She took and entire lick, dipping her tongue into Ashley's wet, warm pussy and felt Ashley grip just a little bit tighter on her head. Spencer made her way back up to Ashley's mouth to give her a nice long awaited kiss, because this is not how she wanted it. Ashley's kisses we're needy and wanted more of Spencer's lips every time they parted for just a second. Spencer led Ashley's hand down and she got the hint. They both needed to have their climax together, Spencer needed it that way and Ashley obliged. As they both rode out each other's hands, they breathlessly called out each other's names. Their moans were subdued by their incessant kissing. As they reached their climax, they held onto each other tightly. Spencer collapsed shortly after on top of Ashley.

Spencer smiled and traced light circles on Ashley's stomach as she just enjoyed the feel of being together again with Ashley. Ashley leaned down a bit and kissed lightly on Spencer's forehead. Neither of them said anything, they needed the silence. Spencer was about to drift asleep listening to Ashley's heartbeat get to a steady pace. But she was interrupted by knocked at the door.

"Spence! Spence! Why the fuck is the door locked?" Glen shouted through the door as he continued to play with the door handle.

Spencer jumped but didn't move much off Ashley, "What do you want? I was trying to rest. I'll be out in a minute."

Glen stopped playing with the door handle but then knocked again, "Mom and dad are out of surgery. They aren't awake, still in critical condition, but we can see them now."

Spencer shouted, "I'll be out in a minute."

Glen shouted through the door, "I'm heading up there now." Spencer heard Glen scoot away from the door.

Spencer immediately got up and started getting dressed. She threw Ashley's clothes on top of her and they both started to get dressed. Both of them were silent, they didn't say a word.

Ashley finally decided to speak, "You want me to go up there with you?"

"No, I'll be fine." Spencer coldly stated. She was back to guarding her emotions.

"Spence, come on. We just made love on your mom's office couch, you don't want me to stay?" Ashley finished dressing and she inched closer to Spencer.

She shook her head and took a step back, "No, I can't let you stay Ash. You know that, and what just happened--"

"Don't say it shouldn't have."

"I was going to say, it was amazing. It was great, it was exactly what I needed to get my mind off all this. Thank you." Spencer walked towards the door.

Ashley felt her eyes welling up with tears. She was so close yet so far away to getting back the girl she loved, the only girl she'll ever love. "Spencer, why can't you just let me in? Forgive me."

Spencer turned the door knob as she spoke her last words, "You broke my heart. Twice. You knew what this was when I kissed you. I'm sorry."

**A/n: If you're totally hating how it ended or what not, let me know. I may actually continue this into a story, maybe develop it, but it sort of came to me as a oneshot thing. All of a sudden I was like holy shit new story idea and I started writing and couldn't stop. But enuf about me going on, let me know your thoughts. **


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